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Dear Ken

Posted In: Everyday life — February 16, 2005 @ 2:02 pm — Peter

This morning around 9:30am, my annoying mobile phone ringer started to chime at full volume. I didn’t recognize the 708 phone number on the caller ID but answered anyway assuming it might be my parents calling. To my surprise, it was Ken. Ken is an old friend of mine from the Chicago area that has maintained sparse contact with me over the past 5 years. We were pretty close friends when I lived back home, however, we have grown apart as our lives have gone in drastically different directions. Ken seems to be stuck in perpetual adolescence, namely the later years of drug experimentation and chronic irresponsibility. How he manages to remember me a midst his drug-induced episodes is beyond me. For a while, he routinely called while heavily intoxicated, subjecting me to his rambling and incoherence. Don’t get me wrong, there were times when I really enjoy talking to Ken, but these times have been less and less frequent over the past several years. Ken is quite an intelligent guy, but he seems to be plagued by making poor decisions. For example, he has found a few contract gigs doing some computer maintenance. Instead of completing the job from start to finish to earn the trust of the client, he will try to find a way to swindle computer hardware out of the deal. The last time I spoke with him, he mentioned a new small office network he was maintaining. I was so happy to hear he was back behind a keyboard earning some money! Then he elaborated on his plans to prune memory out of the workstations for his computers at home. I simply don’t understand why he would risk a legitimate work arrangement for a few sticks of RAM. I imagine the next time we speak I’ll find out that the gig fell through after he went on a two week binge drinking spell, neglecting to return phone calls. It seems to be a fairly predictable pattern with him, which is why I believe he needs professional help. From what I gathered from our last phone call, he seems to be addicted to several types of prescription drugs.

I have made an honest effort to avoid calling Ken over the past few months. I have even gone as far as removing his number from my mobile phone memory. The simple truth of the matter is, I call him because I don’t really have many other friends. I tend to have problems establishing new friendships, so I hang on to what is familiar, however, Ken has become less and less familiar over the past few years and has little to offer a friendship anymore. I figured not contacting him would encourage me to befriend other people, perhaps people I have more in common with. I quickly ended the call with Ken this morning by telling him I was at work and could not talk. I told him I would call him later but I doubt I will find time for that. Before hanging up, I asked him if he was checking email. I would be comfortable emailing Ken, as that would be asynchronous and less time consuming on my part. But of course, he still does not use email…

So Ken, I doubt you will ever read this, but here is what I wish I could say to you when you call. I am not really interested in maintaining contact with you anymore. I have attempted to coach you through your drug problem, urged you to seek help, and have cheered you on through your various attempts at getting your life on track. To put it quite simply, you have disappointed me and are flagrantly wasting the talents that could get you out of this rut. During all of this, you continue to ridicule me, insisting I am wasting my time in college and accusing me of somehow abandoning you by no longer living in Chicago and being your business partner. Our conversations over the past few years affirm the obvious reality that we no longer have anything in common. Mind you, it is terribly stressful to me to see you waste your talent, realizing you have the potential to be a successful IT professional. I feel quite silly taking so much time to vent over Ken… About all else I have to say is, please be careful and don’t drive a car intoxicated again… Next time you might kill yourself, or worse, kill an innocent person who happens to cross your path…

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